Bear With Me
by BeeBee Forthwright
Summary: SuzakuXLelouch kinda OOC Lelouch. Nunnally ends up in the hospital and Lelouch starts to hurt himself, can Suzaku save his best friend. But when Nunnally goes from bad to good to worse than b4 how will the boys' relationship unfold.
1. Chapter 1

Code Geass Fan fiction

Drip. Drip. Drip. Lelouch watched memorized. It would fall from his hand and hit the tile of his bathroom. It had been a mistake at first. He had been absent-mindedly thinking about Nunnally in the hospital while shaving his face when he hit his other wrist. He had simply stared. It felt…good. So Lelouch slashed his wrist again and again and it felt sooo good. He watched the blood leave his arm and smiled. The pain was good.

Flashback- "I'm sorry sir there's nothing else we can do?" The doctor walked away. Lelouch was left at the foot of his sister's hospital bed. She had fallen out of her wheelchair and hit her head. She still hadn't woken up. The doctor's said they could only monitor her until she woke up. Lelouch gripped the sheets. Nunnally! His heart beat painfully and he stood. He walked out and Rival was waiting downstairs. He drove him home. Each day that Lelouch went his sister never woke up. He couldn't take it.

"Lulu?" Shirley looked at him.

"Oh I'm sorry Shirley, I was spacing." Lelouch tried to turn his attention to the orange haired girl sitting companionably beside him. She was a good friend of his but he couldn't get out of this funk. He wanted to go home; he had a relief there sitting on the bathroom counter. Instinctively he pulled his shirtsleeve down knowing the rather gory slashes would worry his friends.

"So Suzaku has been gone a while huh?" Lelouch nodded he hadn't been able to get a hold of Suzaku but had left a message with that Cecile woman about Nunnally. Lelouch hoped Suzaku would come back soon. Or, and the thought really did scare him, he might just kill himself. The rest of the student council was amiably creating decorations for Nunnally's hospital room. I know they're trying to help he thought but I feel like I'm drowning. Lelouch stood up and Shirley stammered. Had she been talking well it didn't matter. He had to get rid of the pain now! Milly looked over at him.

"Lulu are you going home?" Lelouch nodded grabbing his bag.

"Yea I need to...um..." Lelouch couldn't think of any suitable reason except he really just need to go. Milly offered a small smile.

"You shouldn't be alone right now." She said earnestly. She knew how worried he was. Not that it wasn't obvious the guy was barely kept together and everyone in the school had noticed but he refused to let anyone try and help him though Lord knows he needed help. Lelouch just walked out and Milly sighed.

"Ah. Milly?" Nina looked at her in her shy way. Even Milly's little bookworm had noticed poor Lulu's condition. It really was bad.

"I just hope Suzaku gets back soon."

"Why?" asked Rival.

"Those boys are best friends if Lelouch won't let us in to help him, he still might let Suzaku." She looked sadly out the window.

"Poor Nunna. It's been almost a week and she seems barely alive." Shirley choked a bit. Milly came over and gave her a squeeze.

"I know and not hearing her voice or seeing her smile is breaking him." Milly let a tear slide unnoticed down her cheek.

When Lelouch walked in the message machine beeped. He dropped his bag, shuffled over to the machine, and pressed play. Another message from the doctor.

"Hello Mr. Lamperouge. We have some news about Nunnally. We would like to tell you as soon as possible so please call us back." Lelouch desperately dialed the hospital's number and extension for Nunnally's doctor by heart.

"Hello Mr. Lamperouge." Came the sullen voice of the doctor.

"Nunnally?" Lelouch felt hot as if he had a fever.

"She went into cardiac arrest. We did everything and managed to save her life but we can't let anyone but personnel into her room. She has become sick with pneumonia on top of her coma and we think that might have caused the cardiac arrest." Lelouch's whole body started shaking but he composed himself long enough to thank the doctor and make him promise to call and let him know how Nunnally was doing. As soon as Lelouch hung up the phone, he ran into the bathroom. He tore off his uniform and grabbed the razor. He slashed and re-slashed his arm over and over until the bathroom floor was covered in blood. Lelouch felt lighter. He stood up but stumbled because the loss of blood. He felt almost drunk and giggled. Just then, the phone rang. He couldn't quite remember how to pick it up and so he just plopped to his knees in front of it and let the machine get it. Suzaku's voice broke over the speaker.

"Lelouch? Are you there? Cecile just told me what happened. Lelouch pick up the phone!" there was a pause and Suzaku sighed. Lelouch stared at the phone his body swaying. "Lulu…I'll be back tomorrow." Then he clicked off.

"Lelouch it's almost lunch time. Isn't that when Suzaku is coming?" Milly was hovering but she couldn't help it. Sayako had told her what the doctors said and she was worried. Lelouch seemed barely there.

"Yes Suzaku is coming back." Lelouch smiled. Suzaku had always been his friend and even though he hadn't realized it, he had also been his rock. And now Lelouch had stumbled and was falling. He only smiled to himself he wanted to keep falling especially if that meant when he hit bottom the pain would be gone. His arm hadn't scabbed over well and Lelouch had done a pretty bad job at bandaging it himself. He still hid it under his sleeve and tried not to favor it too much. At lunch, Lelouch walked into the student council room where they always had lunch. Everyone looked up at him expectantly. They had been talking. In the middle of their huddle sat Suzaku.

"Hey Suzaku welcome back." Lelouch tried to masquerade a smile. He did not like how those emerald eyes bore into his soul especially when his soul was a very dark place to be right now. The other student council members smiled at Lelouch buying his act and sat down to eat. Lelouch sat next to Suzaku. He had another dizzy spell and almost fell as he tried to sit. Suzaku caught him and helped him sit grabbing his injured arm causing Lelouch to wince.

"Are you alright Lelouch?" Suzaku looked into those big violet eyes. Pain, there was lot of pain. Suzaku wanted to wrap Lelouch into a hug and protect him but instead he helped the younger boy sit down gently.

"Yea I'm fine thanks Suzaku." Lelouch shook his head trying to clear it only to make his vision swim and his stomach clench.

"I'm…." Suzaku didn't know what to say. He was sorry about Nunnally. He wanted to protect Lelouch and he was so sorry he wasn't here leaving Lelouch alone with this for so long. He looked up at Lelouch. He didn't look good. Not a bit. His face had become noticeably paler. "Lelouch?" Suzaku grabbed the teen's shoulder and felt him sway.

"Lulu!" Shirley shrieked as Lelouch collapsed out of his chair. Suzaku leaped into action picking Lelouch up bride style and laid him on a makeshift couch of pillows and old costumes Milly had dug up. He gently put Lelouch down. The rest of the student council went into gear with Milly issuing orders for a glass of water and several other things including a Tylenol and washcloth for Lelouch. But Suzaku stayed next to him looking at his friend's face. It looked so tired. Had Lelouch even slept recently? His eyes flickered open.

The spinning in my head stopped. I couldn't open my eyes though, they were too heavy. Finally, I managed to flick them open. I was staring up at Suzaku. What happened did I pass out? Suzaku gave me a serious look concern washing through his eyes. I simply started shaking and I couldn't get my body to stop.

"What happened?" Lelouch murmured rubbing his temple. I let out a breath. I hadn't realized I'd been holding it.

"You passed out. Have you been sleeping well?" Suzaku looked at the very dark circles under his friend's eyes. Lelouch didn't answer instead his whole body started to shake and Lelouch looked so helpless. But as soon as the other student council members came back, the mask was back on. He smiled and apologized saying he hadn't slept well lately was all. He laughed at himself. I gave him my hand to help him to a chair. Milly wouldn't have him up and around. No one could see that he wasn't fine. It looked like not a thing could be wrong but his hand was shaking so roughly. I squeezed his hand and he met my eyes with a cold stare. I knew to leave it be for now but I gave him a stare to let him know I wasn't about to drop this.

Even though Lelouch claimed to feel fine, Milly wouldn't hear of it. Lelouch's face still hadn't gained back any color if anything it was paler still. I kept a firm hand on his shoulder while he barely touched his lunch and the water Milly gave him. The bell rang for next period. Lelouch got up and swayed but steadied himself.

"Lulu you're going home." Milly raised her eyebrow to see if he'd challenge her. Lelouch wasn't dumb and quite frankly he felt very tired. He hadn't slept since he got the news from the doctor about Nunnally. He had sat by the phone all night. His bathroom was still a huge mess with his blood there on the floor.

"I'll take him Prez." Suzaku said with a stern look on his face. Lelouch only shrugged silently grateful to have his friend around. They walked towards home. Suzaku kept close to Lelouch who was focusing really hard on walking. It was becoming extremely hard. When they walked in Suzaku grabbed his arm and led him into his bedroom.

"Get some sleep." Said Suzaku sternly. Lelouch put on a smile.

"I'm fine really Suzaku no need to worry about me." He sat in his desk chair without falling. Suzaku glared at him. Lelouch tried to look like the room wasn't spinning before his very eyes. It fact it made him feel like he was about to…

Lelouch doubled over and started to throw up. All that came out was a filmy liquid. Hadn't he eaten? Lelouch got up and ran into the bathroom, which he was surprised to find clean, Sayako. Another wave of nausea hit and Lelouch bent over the toilet but with nothing in his stomach, he started to dry heave and cough. Suddenly he was vaguely aware of someone rubbing his back between his shoulder blades in small circles and pulling his hair away from his face where it was stuck to his forehead with sweat.

"Lelouch…"Suzaku sighed.

"I...Suza..." But the coughing kept coming to interrupt him and finally it stopped. Lelouch couldn't get up and didn't even try. Then he was aware of being moved, picked up. He groaned and turned his head into the warmth of the body holding him.

"Lelouch I'll take care of you." Whispered Suzaku as the Britannian boy in his arms fell limp and sagged into his chest. Before Suzaku had placed Lelouch into his bed, he was already asleep. Suzaku looked at the teen's face. The tired expression hurt him so much to see. The angel's face tainted with worry and pain. Suzaku decided to get Lelouch at least into pajamas that would be more comfortable. It wasn't odd or embarrassing they had changed in front of each other since they were kids.

Suzaku rummaged through Lelouch's clothes until he found some pajamas. Then he took off his pants and put the bottoms on. Next, he pulled off his uniform shirt and the white shirt underneath. Suzaku was taken aback at the poorly bandaged arm. It was soaked in blood in some areas still. Suzaku slowly unwrapped it. He gasped when he saw the hashing on his friend's arm. Suzaku inspected the wounds that he knew Lelouch had inflicted on himself. One mark seemed rather old but the rest were new and had been done quickly, carelessly an act of desperation and pain. Suzaku sighed, bandaged Lelouch's arm again, and put the pajamas on him. His phone rang, it was Prez.

"Suzaku?" Milly asked sweetly. He could hear the other student council members in the background.

"Yes Prez." He answered slipping out of Lelouch's room.

"Is he okay?" She whispered.

"Yeah, he's worried himself literally sick over Nunnally. I don't think he's eaten these past couple of days either." Suzaku didn't mention the blood and the huge gashes on Lelouch's forearm. Why did Lulu do something so emo!?

"Yea I'm glad your back Suzaku." Milly sighed in relief.

"Why's that?" Milly laughed. And Suzaku frowned a bit.

"When you two are around each other you look so happy and Lelouch well I had never seen such a bright smile from him until you arrived Suzaku." Milly knew the two boys were in love it was written all over their faces when they were with each other. She knew what she just said was setting wheels in motion hopefully before Lelouch killed himself since Milly had seen the bandages on Lulu's arm when he fainted.

Suzaku blushed and opened the door a smidge to peek at Lelouch. He was sleeping and a frown graced his lips. His slender lips, Suzaku wanted to make them turn up in a gorgeous smile.

"Suzaku!" the stern commanding air of Milly's voice shook Suzaku out of his revelry.

"Yes Prez!" He stammered. Looking away from Lelouch.

"Your duties for student council are to take care of Lelouch until Nunnally gets better!" A laugh accompanied this. Suzaku was stunned.

"Until Nunnally but what if he…"

"Come on Suzaku he's a danger to himself until she's back home and you know it! Now those are your orders get to them!" And she hung up. Suzaku sighed well as orders go they weren't too bad. The front door opened and Sayako came in.

"Oh Suzaku! Why Hello." She smiled holding a grocery bag.

"Sayako-san did you know about Lelouch's cutting?" Sayako's smile faded and she frowned.

"I found his bathroom covered in blood this morning and he was sitting in a daze staring at the phone." Sayako had tears forming in her eyes. Suzaku walked over to her closing Lelouch's door.

"Lelouch. Why is he doing this to himself?" Sayako sighed. Suzaku looked at Sayako's grocery bag he should make some soup for Lelouch. He needs to eat something or he won't get better. Suzaku followed Sayako into the kitchen, got out a pot, and rolled up his sleeves.

"Suzaku let me do that." Said Sayako reaching for the pot.

"No I want to do it. I want to make Lelouch better myself." Sayako was taken aback but she smiled. The relationship those boys shared. She shook her head and continued unloading groceries.

Lelouch opened his eyes. Where was he? In his room. He tried to sit up but the room spun, he groaned.

"Well this is quite the mess you've gotten yourself into emo boy." Lelouch carefully turned his head to see C.C.

"I am not emo." He said

"You're cutting yourself." She hopped onto his bed making him wince. He looked at his arm to find it newly bandaged and he was in pajamas. Suzaku.

"I…" C.C. slapped him. "Hey!" Lelouch whispered.

"Get a hold of yourself. Nunnally may be in the hospital but she will get better won't she? Isn't that the doctor's job Lelouch?" She kicked back and stared at him.

"Yes. But she's my sister." The sound of pots in the kitchen reached their ears and they whispered.

"I'm taking the Zero clothes. Let Suzaku help you." Lelouch blushed and sagged deeper into his pillow. C.C. was right he needed to get his act together for Nunnally and the Black Knights.

"I'll email you." C.C. smiled and grabbed the clothes then left. Lelouch lay in his bed and heard Sayako leave. Suzaku was in the kitchen still. Lelouch dozed.

Suzaku carefully opened Lelouch's door. Lelouch was slumped against his pillows in a light sleep. The fading day's light filled the room. It landed on the dark haired boy. His light skin such a contrast to his hair. His chest went up in down in measured breathing. Suzaku came to the edge of his bed and put the soup down on the nightstand. He pulled over Lelouch's desk chair. He sat and for a few seconds watched Lelouch sleep. His eyes looked so tired even now and his arm lay limp at his side. Suddenly Lelouch's eyelids fluttered. Aw, he looks just like a girl soo adorable thought Suzaku.

"Ready to eat something." Said Suzaku quietly. Lelouch's eyes took a moment to focus. They were big and violet, the way they caught the fading sun was so pretty. Lelouch nodded then winced the room spinning.

"Looks like you lost too much blood. You won't be up and around for a while." Suzaku said sternly his emerald eyes turning icy. Suzaku got a spoon full of soup and blew on it then tried to feed Lelouch. Lelouch blushed at having to have Suzaku feed him. Suzaku smiled. His blush was too cute. Lelouch opened his mouth and Suzaku fed him. A bit of the soup ended up on his cheek.

"Ah" he winced as the hot soup burned him.

"I got it." Said Suzaku wiping it off with his finger then putting it in his mouth. "Mmmm." He said closing his eyes and smiling.

"Flirt." Murmured Lelouch. Suzaku always did this he teased Lelouch making him feel clumsy and awkward. Suzaku snickered.

"Now why would I flirt with you?" Suzaku snapped joking with his friend, happy he was breathing after the description of his bathroom floor. Mentally though Suzaku frowned a bit at himself. It was obvious Lelouch needed his help. If he started cutting himself again, he might end up in the hospital too. Suzaku would keep a close eye on him until Nunnally came home. Suzaku continued to feed Lelouch. After a few minutes, Lelouch stopped Suzaku, interrupting his reverie.

"It's okay Suzaku I'm full now." Lelouch said looking into Suzaku's eyes. They still seemed worried. But Lelouch was full, he hadn't eaten a full meal in weeks actually and his stomach wasn't ready for one yet. Suzaku glowered at Lelouch.

"You've hardly eaten." Suzaku said sighing. But he put the spoon down. He looked tired. Lelouch hated causing him so much trouble. Slowly as possible Lelouch attempted to scoot over in his bed.

"Lelouch what are you doing?" Suzaku said standing up. Lelouch had successfully moved over, his head reeling but he wouldn't tell Suzaku that.

"You look tired." A wave of dizziness hit Lelouch causing him to have to close his eyes. Suzaku watched his friend's whole body tense. It had dizzied him to move over so Suzaku could sit on the bed. "I thought you could lay down for a minute." Lelouch mumbled. Suzaku was tired but he wasn't exhausted. He was still in good shape considering how bushed he could be on some days with the military. In fact, not many people thought he looked tired when it was this minimal. Leave it to Lelouch to notice.

"Do you want me to lay by you is that it?" Suzaku murmured. Lelouch looked away and a small blush rose onto his cheeks.

"Well you seemed bound and determined to be my nurse so I thought…" Lelouch ran out of words his mouth tripping over them. It was Suzaku's turn to blush, he was Lulu's nurse? He gently lay down trying not to move the bed. Lelouch still cringed but insisted he was fine.

"Lulu are you okay?" Suzaku whispered not sure to get up or relax. Lelouch breathed a sigh.

"I'm okay." He said. Evening was approaching then, it was early still but Lelouch could feel his eyelids becoming heavy. He didn't want to fall asleep on Suzaku though. Suzaku saw Lelouch's eyes drooping and his efforts to stay awake failing. Lelouch needed to sleep so Suzaku started to hum a lullaby softly. It wasn't long until Lelouch didn't lift his eyelids again and his breathing slowed. Slowly his body relaxed. His head dipped and he leaned on Suzaku's shoulder. Suzaku looked down at his friend. He wouldn't get up so as not to disturb the younger boy. The bedroom window was open and the evening air was cool. It wasn't long until Suzaku had drifted off to sleep as well.

Lelouch's eyes shot open. What had woken him up? It was then that he felt it. The form next to him was shivering. Suzaku. Lelouch had all the blankets and the window was open letting in the cold night air. Suzaku's teeth chattered. Slowly Lelouch sat up. The room span and his stomach threatened to up heave the little soup Lelouch had eaten. Shakily Lelouch removed the sheets from his body and draped them over Suzaku, only a corner covered Lelouch. Slowly Lelouch laid back down. Suzaku visibly relaxed and unconsciously moved toward the heat bumping Lelouch. Lelouch hissed as his arm was hit. He could see dark circles under Suzaku's eyes. A breeze came through the window and ruffled Suzaku's brunette locks. Lelouch smiled remembering falling asleep in meadows with Nunnally and Suzaku after long days of exploring. Lelouch was always the first asleep and awake. A stab of sorrow went through Lelouch's heart as he thought about sweet Nunnally now in a coma. With a tear slowly sliding down Lelouch's cheek he fell asleep again.

Suzaku woke to birds chirping outside the window. He started at first wondering where he was. Then he remembered Lulu. How defeated he had seemed when he had gotten sick and how light he had felt when Suzaku had carried him to his room as if nothing was there but an empty husk. Suzaku blinked trying to get used to the sunlight streaming in from the window. He felt the sheets on him. Had he gotten cold last night. Lelouch must have draped them on him in the middle of the night. The thought made him smile. He yawned and sat up when he heard a groan. He turned to look at Lelouch and his eyes widened in horror.

Lelouch's face was strained as he lay unconscious. His breathing haggard and his hair soaked with sweat. His eyes fluttered open for a brief moment. The fever had even reached his eyes Suzaku thought.

"Lulu?" Suzaku felt his forehead. He was burning up. Lelouch's purple eyes settled on Suzaku's face unfocused. His eyes closed. Damn! Thought Suzaku. He had given Suzaku his blankets and the cold had only worsened his condition. Suzaku threw the sheets back on Lelouch and went into the kitchen. Sayako wasn't here yet. He searched through cabinets for a thermometer unsure where Lelouch kept it. In the middle of his search he heard his cell vibrate, it was Milly. He answered it and continued to search.

"Good morning Suzaku!" Milly's cheery voice broke over the speaker. Suzaku grunted in acknowledgement.

"Some hello Suzaku. How is Lulu?" Milly must be with the other student council members and that was why she was acting so cheerful or maybe he was the only one this worried over Lelouch. He shook his head of course the others were worried.

"He seemed better last night but I woke up to find him with a fever. I'm trying to find a thermometer but I can't seem to…"

"The bathroom by Nunna's room. In the cabinet on the third shelf." Suzaku was startled but left the kitchen and went into the bathroom. Sure enough, the thermometer was where Prez had said.

"How did you know it was there?" Suzaku said looking at the thermometer.

"I told her." Came a weak voice. Suzaku spun around to see Lelouch leaning on the wall in the doorway.

"Lulu!" Milly said cheerily. "Suzaku put your cell on speaker." Suzaku did what he was told.

"Lelouch! You should be in bed, you have a fever." Suzaku set his phone down and grabbed the thermometer.

"I'm fine Suzaku really." Lelouch plastered on one of his signature smiles and stepped into the bathroom. Suzaku almost would have believed it if Lelouch hadn't had to balance himself on the counter. The deep purple eyes were swimming and the smile didn't reach them. Lelouch stared into Suzaku's emerald eyes searching for weakness in his sureness. There was none. There was worry, lots of worry and his eyes shone. It made Lelouch's head hurt. He turned away.

"Just let me take your temperature." Suzaku said putting a hand on Lelouch's shoulder feeling him shiver. So now, he had the chills too, thought Suzaku.

"Say ah!" came a bubbly voice over Suzaku's phone. Lelouch opened his mouth and let Suzaku put in the thermometer. He met Suzaku's eyes again. For some reason unbeknownst to Lelouch, he felt all the pain in his heart crushing him and he felt like crying. He didn't say anything all he did was avert his eyes as the tears rolled silently down his cheeks.

"Lulu…" Suzaku whispered and wiped a tear from Lelouch's cheek. Lelouch hiccupped.

"If his temperature is even slightly abnormal he stays in bed." Came a mocking serious Prez. He would be anyway thought Suzaku with no intention of letting Lelouch go to school. Suzaku pulled out the thermometer. He sighed. Lelouch stood stock still with tears still flowing down his cheeks like a rivulet.

"One hundred and one." Sighed Suzaku.

"You would normally go to a hospital but we shouldn't risk it." Said Milly. Lelouch simply started to shake and gulp down sobs. Suzaku instinctively wrapped Lelouch in a hug. They sank to the floor and Lelouch sobbed into his friend's shoulder. Suzaku simply held him. No one heard the click as Milly hung up or the ring of the school bell for the day to start. The two boys simply sat there. Lelouch's whole body was racked by the sobs. Suzaku held him close and every time Lelouch's body shuddered, he held on tighter. He could feel the heat on his skin through his pajamas. The fever was mounting. Suzaku felt the sweat on Lelouch's forehead. He simply ran his fingers through Lelouch's hair to calm him or was it to lessen Suzaku's own fears for his friend.

Sayako had seen Lelouch stumble towards the bathroom and had gotten worried. She was relieved when she heard Suzaku's voice. She heard the announcement of Lelouch's temperature and heard the young boy burst into tears. He hadn't cried for Nunnally and she was sure the fever just pulled down his guard and he had collapsed right then and there with Suzaku. Sayako crept up to the bathroom and peeked in on the scene. There sat Suzaku in the same clothes he was wearing yesterday holding Lelouch in his arms tightly, his eyes filled with love. A tear slid down his cheek every now and again too. Sayako smiled she would go to the pharmacy for Lelouch.


	2. Chapter 2

**ok hiya i'm back! I know its been absolutely forever since I posted chapter one and i apologize!!!!!!! i have excuses but you really don't care so yeah. ill try to be more regular with updating but yeah lol bear with me (i crack myslef up) anyway sorry if there are any grammatical errors I am human sooo yeah. thank you to all my lovely reviewers and readers! please enjoy chapter to with a ditzy Lelouch haha!**

Lelouch gained some composure and tried taking some deep breaths. He looked up at Suzaku, where a tear sat on his cheekbone. Lelouch reached up and touched the brunette's face wiping away the tear. Suzaku closed his eyes to try to stop crying himself. He could feel Lelouch's hand start to slip away and he quickly grabbed it with his and opened his eyes. Lelouch succeeded in giving a weak smile. Suzaku took a deep breath.

"We should try to get your fever down." He mumbled.

"Cold shower. It always helped Nunnally…and you." Yes, Suzaku remembered. One time both he and Nunnally had gotten quite a high fever and Lelouch stuck them both in a cold shower, which had brought their fevers down considerably.

"Yes I remember. Can you stand?" Lelouch shook his head. Suzaku took Lelouch's arm and put it around his shoulders and then he put his own arm around Lelouch's waist. Slowly they stood.

"I needed a shower anyway." Suzaku smiled. A smile that almost made Lelouch feel better. Suzaku pulled open the shower door and slowly walked him and Lelouch in. In the shower was a seat and Suzaku helped Lelouch sit down. Slowly Suzaku started to take off his uniform. Lelouch looked at the muscles in his friend's back and arms, so perfectly toned. Why was he noticing this? It must be the fever. Even as Lelouch blamed his fever for his staring, he couldn't help but blush as Suzaku took off his pants. Lelouch mentally slapped himself. He'd seen Suzaku naked plenty of times when they were little and in the gym showers at school it was no big deal!

"Do you need help getting undressed Lelouch?" Suzaku noticed his friend sitting there staring off into space. Lelouch looked up from his reverie.

"Sorry." He mumbled as he fumbled with the buttons on his pajamas. His fingers shook and he couldn't make them work normally. Finally, he gave up and just pulled off the shirt and his pants. Suzaku threw their clothes out of the shower and turned it on cold. He hissed.

"You can go ahead and take a hot shower Suzaku." Lelouch offered from his hunched position on the seat. His fever would go down eventually he thought.

"I'll be fine besides your fever is the priority Lulu." Suzaku looked into those amethyst eyes. Fever swam in them making them cloudy. Suzaku helped his friend stand, Lelouch's skin felt even hotter against Suzaku's bare torso. Suzaku lead Lelouch into the cold water and they stood there. Relief shone in Lelouch's eyes. Suzaku's heart broke as he thought how long he had been waiting to be relieved of at least some of the pain. Lelouch pulled at the bandages on his arm unconsciously. Suzaku frowned as he realized what Lelouch's unconscious mind was begging him to do. Suzaku reached out and undid the bandages so he could inspect the cuts. Lelouch looked away.

"You never asked why." Lelouch muttered. Suzaku snorted.

"Doesn't take a genius Lelouch. You did it because of Nunnally. Which no actually that doesn't make sense." Lelouch cocked an eyebrow.

"It doesn't?" He asked.

"No if this was for Nunnally you wouldn't have done it. Because when she does wake up the last thing she needs is a dead older brother." Suzaku looked into Lelouch's eyes.

"Then why?" said Lelouch. It was then Suzaku realized Lelouch was really the one asking. He was asking why it felt good, why the pain was never truly gone, and why even with Suzaku there he wanted to do it again. Lelouch was searching Suzaku's eyes. He gave the same look back when they were kids and Lelouch had asked why Suzaku had saved him from getting lost. They weren't on the best of terms at that point. Suzaku's gaze softened. It was then he noticed the teen was shivering and trying to extract warmth by getting closer to Suzaku. Suzaku put his arm around Lelouch and turned off the shower. They walked out of the shower and Suzaku wrapped them both in towels.

"I'll make it better Lelouch. I'll help you." He whispered while drying his own hair as Lelouch slowly dried himself.

Suzaku had helped Lelouch into another pair of pajamas and fixed a quick breakfast. Suzaku gobbled up his and Lelouch's food was left barely touched. Getting Lelouch to eat thought Suzaku is goal number one. Soon Sayako returned and Suzaku told Lelouch he was going to pick up some clothes and tell the military he needed a few days off. He'd be back in a few hours.

"You're not to get up!" Suzaku said standing by the bed Lelouch was lounging in.

"I know." Said Lelouch.

"And don't even think about opening those!" Suzaku pointed at Lelouch's arm.

"With what? You already removed all 'potentially harmful' objects from my room." said Lelouch. Suzaku sighed and gave a small smile as he headed for the door.

"Oh and for God's sake do eat something!" Said Suzaku with a playful glare. Lelouch decided to tease his friend.

"Yes Nurse Suzaku." Lelouch then settled in for a nap, he seemed to never get enough sleep and when he was asleep, Nunnally was home. Suzaku passed Sayako on the way out.

"I'll keep an eye on him. Don't worry Suzaku." She smirked seeing the blush on the boy's face after leaving the bedroom. Suzaku left.

Lelouch sat up in bed with his laptop open. He was talking with C.C. via camera.

"It's all fine Lelouch." She said exasperated. You're the one that's broken you know." She glared at the dark haired teen.

"I haven't cut myself again I swear!" Lelouch said exasperated. His head was starting to throb and something told him his fever was back. Sayako had given him medicine, which had brought down quite a bit but he figured it was wearing off.

"That isn't what I'm saying Lelouch!" Lelouch looked at her, her eyes held that caring look he sometimes got from her. "I'm your accomplice." He didn't know what she was getting at.

"I know. So?" She sighed and then gave him an icy glare.

"I'm taking the Black Knights from you Lelouch. You're becoming too unstable to handle this right now." She held his glare.

"And why is that witch?" Lelouch practically spat the words.

"We will continue to communicate via computer but I'm wearing this." She gestured toward the costume of Zero that she had dawned. Lelouch was about to protest when he heard Sayako come in the door.

"Besides Lelouch why don't you just enjoy love for a while?" C.C. clicked off. Lelouch sighed and put the laptop away as Sayako came into his room.

"Has the medicine worn off?" she asked quietly. I nodded. If I took the medicine, I could sleep and when I slept, I'd have Nunnally. I want to sleep forever. Sayako gave me the bottle and some water. I looked at it. Maybe a little extra so I could sleep? I popped one more pill than necessary and felt myself drift away.

Cecile had been fine with giving me time off. She said she'd break it to Lloyd and I could just picture his moping face. Suzaku was walking down the street with a bag of clothes on his shoulder. He had to take some clothes from his barracks in the military because all he really had on campus was his uniform. He had been gone a total of three hours he noted as he walked onto campus. Everyone was milling around.

"Suzaku!" yelled Rivalz from across the way. Suzaku stopped waiting for the teen to catch his breath.

"So how is Lelouch?" Suzaku sighed he didn't want to worry his friends.

"He's sick. He hasn't eaten much lately because he was worried over Nunnally. But he'll be fine." Suzaku hoped that last part didn't sound too strained. Truth was Lelouch was unstable until Nunnally was home.

"Ah. Poor Lelouch, well Prez says if anyone can help it's you!" Rivalz clapped Suzaku on the shoulder before running off again. Suzaku sighed. Lelouch. He looked around at the campus. He remembered times when Lelouch, Nunnally, and himself would walk around talking about the good ole days. He frowned to himself. It seemed they always avoided speaking of the future. The past was so much more concrete. Suzaku thought about poor Nunnally in the hospital. They needed to start talking about the future. Suzaku wanted to give Nunnally and Lelouch a future to look forward too.

Suzaku opened the door to Lelouch's. He waved hi at Sayako. She got up and took his bag from him.

"How is he?" He whispered when Sayako held a finger to her lips signaling him to be quiet.

"He's been sleeping. He had a headache earlier but he took some medicine and has been sleeping soundly since." She said leading Suzaku into the kitchen.

"Has he eaten?" Suzaku asked. Sayako shook her head.

"I was about to wake him and bring him some oatmeal. Would you like to take it to him?" Sayako poured the oatmeal into a bowl and sprinkled some brown sugar on it before giving it to Suzaku. Suzaku smiled as he went over to Lelouch's room. He opened Lelouch's door to see him sitting on the floor playing with a cheese-kun.

"Suzaku!" He said excitedly. Suzaku put the oatmeal down on the nightstand and sat beside Lelouch. His eyes were a bit bloodshot and he swayed. Lelouch giggled.

"Hey Lelouch. Are you feeling okay?" Suzaku looked at his friend who sat there giggling.

"Uh huh. The medicine made me all better!" Lelouch pointed to a bottle where several pills were spilled.

"Lelouch how much did you take?" Suzaku helped the boy back onto the bed.

"Well my head hurt so I took a little extra but after that I felt so good. So I took more and then I felt really happy so I took more." Lelouch sucked his thumb. Suzaku stared at him in horror.

"You drugged yourself!" Suzaku threw the bottle of pills away.

"But aren't you happy Zuzu?" Suzaku would have chuckled at the pet name but instead he gave Lelouch a hard stare.

"Why would I be happy about this Lelouch?" He asked.

"Well because you seemed so sad and you had to take care of me. But see now that I'm all better I'm not a burden anymore!" Suzaku's face softened. Did Lelouch really think he was a burden to him? Suzaku tucked Lelouch into bed.

"Lelouch. You shouldn't do this to yourself." Suzaku grabbed the oatmeal and fed it to Lelouch who couldn't hold the spoon correctly.

"It doesn't make you better?" Lelouch looked close to tears. Suzaku sighed there would be no reasoning with Lelouch like this! Suzaku put the bowl down and looked at Lelouch.

"I think you should sleep this off Lulu. Then we can talk okay?" Lelouch nodded and yawned. Suzaku got up to leave. He felt a tug on his sleeve.

"Please don't leave Suzaku." Lelouch held tight onto him. Suzaku smirked and sat in the bed beside Lelouch. Lelouch smiled and snuggled into Suzaku's chest. Suzaku blushed.

"Eh. Lelouch what are you doing?" Suzaku said nervously.

"You're so cuddly…Zuzu…I want to be near you…" Came the drowsy reply. Suzaku looked down to see Lelouch already fast asleep. He smiled and put his arm around the younger boy. He grabbed the TV remote from the nightstand and turned on the television in Lelouch's room. It was new he noted, maybe a birthday gift.

**okay so like nuthun has happened except Suzaku moving in really but oh well! im taking this slow. also i was wondering since this is rated T i am not going to change it but if you would like a lemon in the bathroom scene or when Lelouch is loopy simply tell me and illl write a one shot. im considering writing them just cuz but itd be great if people actually wanted to read them!**


	3. Chapter 3

Code Geass fanfic 1 continued

Lelouch slept quite comfortably. His mind was quiet; his demons in a deep sleep couldn't bother him. His heart wasn't being ravaged with nightmares about his dearest ones. It felt good to sleep. Lelouch often stayed up nights with the Black Knights leaving him quite sleep deprived. In this state of deep relief and relaxation he dreamed…

"Brother! Brother!" Nunnally sat under the tree in front of Ashford academy while Lelouch talked with Milly Ashford. The Ashfords had agreed to take in Lelouch and his sister. They would go to Ashford academy as normal Brittanians. He walked over to his sister when he heard her call.

"What is it Nunnally?" He asked taking her hand, so happy to see her smile.

"I made you something." Nunnally held out her hands, in them sat a paper crane folded out of pink paper. Lelouch took it gently and smiled.

"This is beautiful Nunnally thank you." He whispered cradling the gift from his sister.

"If you fold a thousand they will grant your wish. I didn't have time to fold that many so I hope that maybe one small wish will be granted." She said hopefully.

"Of course it will!" Lelouch reassured her. "What did you wish for Nunnally?" he asked.

"It's yours Lelouch! You're supposed to wish!" Nunnally giggled. Lelouch laughed light heartedly too.

"Why don't we both make a wish together then." Lelouch suggested. Nunnally nodded.

"How about we wish to see Suzaku again!" Nunnally smiled widely. It was true they both missed the strong willed Japanese boy. Lelouch felt he could never truly trust anyone as wholly as Suzaku besides Nunnally.

"I agree." Lelouch said quietly, thoughtful with memories.

"And maybe then we can be a family!" Nunnally said excitedly. Lelouch smiled, he knew Nunnally missed their siblings.

"Okay Nunnally that will be our wish then." They both had smiled and laughed that day, a beginning of sorts in several ways.

Lelouch's eyes flitted open. His headache was gone and he was still very tired. Still drowsy with sleep he yawned.

"Lelouch?" Lelouch blinked realizing he was laying half on top of Suzaku. He sat up quite suddenly, his cheeks reddening. As his body recovered from shock he became light headed and wavered a bit. Suzaku steadied him.

"What?" murmured Lelouch.

"Lulu how are you feeling?" Suzaku asked gently studying him. Lelouch's head settled and he became more focused. When did Suzaku return? When did he go to sleep? And why the hell was he snuggling with Suzaku!? He started with the most logical question.

"When did you get home?" He settled himself into a slightly upright position on his pillows. Suzaku cocked an eyebrow.

"So you don't remember?" Suzaku inquired.

"I've been asleep like a good little patient." Lelouch teased. Suzaku burst out laughing. "What!?" Lelouch asked completely taken aback. What was so funny all of a sudden?

"Good patient? Lelouch I came home and you had drugged yourself on the cold medicine Sayako left you." Lelouch blushed a deep crimson. Suzaku continued. "You said some pretty incredible stuff, I had to practically beg you to sleep it off." He said sheepishly.

"What exactly did I say?" Lelouch started to go pale. What if he said something about the Black Knights!? Suzaku's light and happy smile fell and hurt filled the emerald eyes that captivated Lelouch.

"You said….you thought….Do you really believe you're a burden to me Lelouch?" Suzaku murmured concern in his tone. Lelouch let out a breath. A small smile graced his lips.

"Suzaku look at me. I'm about as mobile as Nunnally until my blood replenishes, I'm keeping you from work, and from your friends and school." The utter despair that had at some point infiltrated the young Brittanian's eyes dulled their brilliance.

"Lelouch…I don't want you ever to think that. You and Nunnally are my family! You could never be a burden." Flashes from Lelouch's dream hit him at full force. "Lulu!" Suzaku voiced concern at the look on Lelouch's face. Lelouch smiled weakly.

"Her wish came true. I'd almost forgotten." Lelouch reached behind him toward his night stand opening the drawer. He laughed to himself. He turned back toward Suzaku with the small pink crane cradled in his arms. Suzaku stared at the delicate crane in his friend's hands.

"She made it when we first came here. We wished to see you again and that you could be our family." Suzaku was speechless. Then he saw the water drop that had fallen on the wing and looked up at Lelouch's face. He held a small smile and tears fell freely from his eyes down his face. His gaze completely focused on the crane he cradled closer to his chest.

"Oh Lulu." Murmured Suzaku as he pulled Lelouch to him in a hug. The Braittanian's shoulders shook with a suppressed sob. Suzaku held him tighter wishing he could heal Lelouch. It was then He made his own wish on the small little crane, he wished for his family to be whole and well again. He wished with all he had as he felt the young Brittanian's shoulders shake vigorously with his sobs.

Lelouch buried his face in his friend's chest, the ache in his heart like a dagger being turned over in his gut. Why? Why did she have to falling? Why couldn't I have…have stopped it…could…should have….saved her! A sob escaped his lips and tears ravaged his face. He could feel Suzaku and it did help if not but a little bit to have his muscular arms holding him together.

This is the second time he's broken down, thought Suzaku. He's finally letting someone in. Outside the school day had ended long ago and students no longer milled around and the teachers had all gone home.

All of a sudden Lelouch stopped shaking and started to push away from Suzaku.

"Lulu are you okay?" Suzaku asked as his friend jerked away and leaned over the bed and threw up.

"Lelouch!" Suzaku quickly grabbed the boy and held him up. The strength was still gone from his body. He threw up again this time nothing more than stomach fluids.

"Zuzu I don't feel so good." Suzaku flinched at the pet name reminding him of a drugged Lelouch. Lelouch weakly tried to sit back up but his arms failed him and he started to fall off the bed. Suzaku caught him before he could slip into his own puke. Lelouch's eyelids were half closed and his face flushed. Suzaku could feel the fever creeping back. Looks like the meds were helping Lelouch and they had worn off.

"Come on lets get you into the living room away from the mess." Suzaku lifted the boy onto his back. A shiver went through Suzaku's body at the contact from the younger boy.

"Suzaku?" Lelouch whispered in his ear.

"Yeah." He answered opening the door to the living room. Storm clouds were creeping onto campus outside.

"I'm sorry…" He murmured. Suzaku set him down on the couch and he slumped against it.

"Don't be. I'll get Sayako to clean it real quick okay?" Lelouch nodded. Suzaku knelt by his friend. He looked up into the amethyst eyes that drove him crazy. Lelouch stared back. Suzaku reached out his hand to him. Lelouch blinked at him then grasped it. His hands were icy and the warmth from Suzaku's enveloped them. The boys sat saying nothing for a few minutes. Lelouch's fever went down gradually as Sayako came in announcing a clean bedroom.

"How is your stomach?" Suzaku asked. Lelouch smiled.

"Better." He said. Just then a knock came at the door followed by it swinging open and a resounding, "Lelouch! Suzaku! We are here!" from Milly Ashford. Lelouch rolled his eyes and Suzaku chuckled.

"I guess they were worried." Suzaku said. Lelouch's free hand immediately came to rest on his hurt arm checking to make sure it was covered.

"Don't tell…"

"I won't." came the icy reply. Lelouch looked to Suzaku as the student council filed into his living room.

Milly came right up to Lelouch and frankly glomped him.

"Hey how's my weak little V.P.?" She said laughing. Lelouch scowled at her. She took that as well enough. The rest of the student council crowded in behind her. Milly pulled Suzaku aside as Rivalz clapped his hand on Lelouch's back. Nina scolded him for being too rough and Shirley sat beside Lelouch smiling.

"How is he really?" Milly said in a hushed tone to Suzaku. They both watched their friends, Milly like a mother bird watching over her fledglings and Suzaku watching amethyst eyes.

"Getting there I think. He still can't hold down a meal though." He said frowning. He watched as Shirley grasped Lelouch's hand in hers while chatting with him. His lips turned to a scowl.

"I'd be careful Suzaku. If you scowl like that someone might catch on." Milly giggled.

"What do you mean?" Suzaku asked. He turned back toward Lelouch.

"Watch he'll shake her off." And sure enough Lelouch wiggled his hand away from Shirley's. Suzaku let out a breath. "And now you can breathe easy." She finished with a laugh. Suzaku cocked an eyebrow at her. Oh what a naïve boy she thought. "Have the doctors called again?" she said changing the subject.

"No not yet." Suzaku sighed.

"When they do, keep an eye on him." She said walking away. Suzaku nodded and watched the happy scene before him a minute before joining his friends himself.

Suzaku sighed as he waved off their friends from Lelouch's door. He walked back into the living room where Lelouch was kneeling on the floor by the coffee table. Suzaku walked up and sat beside him.

"Well that was fun!" he said cheerily. Lelouch nodded. Yeah he thought. They had played games and he had beaten the entire student council at chess. Now he was very tired. The sun was setting behind storm clouds. He looked over at Suzaku as he sat comfortably by him. His brunette hair was vibrant in the low light and his emerald eyes shown with a happiness he hadn't seen since he had started taking care of him. The thought saddened Lelouch. He leaned forward and rested his head on Suzaku's shoulder completely unguarded in Suzaku's care he was becoming happy again.

Suzaku looked at the ebony locks that tickled his neck. The boy was leaning against him and he could feel his warmth. It wasn't like before it wasn't feverish warmth that emanated from Lelouch. It was comfortable and addicting. Suzaku rested his cheek on Lelouch's head.

"Suzaku?" Suzaku could both feel and hear the boy speak.

"Hmm?" he answered. Lelouch lifted his head. Suzaku faced him. They were mere inches apart.

"When are you the most happy?" He asked looking into emerald eyes. Those same emerald eyes felt captured by the amethyst ones. Lelouch blushed as he noticed they leaned in closer. Suzaku was gripping Lelouch's hand tightly in his own.

"Happy…?" Suzaku breathed tilting his head; he could feel Lelouch's breath. Lelouch nodded almost imperceptively, feeling the heat of the other boy as he blushed. Suzaku blushed too. Their eyes held each other's gaze each one's eyes only martially open as the space between them started to close.

"Lulu…"

"Zuzu…" BBBbbRRRrrrrIIIiiiNNNnnnGGGggg!!!!!! The phone rang loudly throughout the living room which had grown still. The two boys leaned away quickly and blushed crimson. What was that! Lelouch's heart was hammering. Why did being so close to him…Ah! The phone. Lelouch reached over the stack of board games to reach the phone. Suzaku took a deep breath. His whole body had felt so warm. Why did it feel colder with Lelouch no long by his side?

"Right thank you." Lelouch spoke into the phone. As the conversation with Nunnally's doctor dragged on he held on tighter to Suzaku's hand. Suzaku stroked Lelouch's wrist with his thumb as he waited. What had happened with Nunnally?


	4. Chapter 4

**okay i know that this is the shortest chapter like ever at alll period! but the ending was cute and such a great stopping point that i simply had to publish it with as little written as it is! consider it a stocking stuffer from me this xmas! which i hope everyone has a wonderful holiday and i will be updating again as soon as possible!**

Lelouch hung up the phone and sighed. Suzaku sat still watching him. Lelouch looked to him.

"She's better. Not well enough to be seen yet but better." Lelouch's eyes filled up with tears. Suzaku pulled him in close. Lelouch seemed to deflate.

". Lulu are you….?" Lelouch pulled back and wiped his eyes.

"I don't know. I'm glad her life isn't in danger anymore, but the doctor said that there probably won't be much improvement and that he'd call me in about a week. I…its just…Suzaku?" Lelouch averted his gaze out the window as the sun's final light faded.

"Yes?" Suzaku said following his gaze.

"I'm so tired."

"I know." Lelouch squeezed Suzaku's hand.

"Excuse me." Miss Sayako walked in the room. "Your room is all clean." She said with a smile.

"Thank you Sayako." Said Suzaku rising. She nodded and started to leave.

"Wait Miss Sayako?" Said Lelouch. "There's news of Nunnally, she's recovering albeit slowly…"

"...But still that's wonderful news. Yes?" She smiled sweetly at her young employer.

"Yes." He smiled a bit too.

Soon sounds of dinner being made could be heard in the kitchen. Lelouch sat at the table, while Suzaku and Sayako cooked. Lelouch peeled some potatoes and Suzaku spilled tea that caused Sayako to slip. All in all it was a rather humorous and enjoyable affair. Afterward Suzaku and Lelouch sat sipping tea while Sayako had insisted on doing the dishes.

"Well that's all. Goodnight boys!" Sayako smiled sweetly bowing as she left. Lelouch and Suzaku sat across from each other. They didn't speak but the silence wasn't awkward. They simply looked at each other. They seriously looked at each other, they hadn't in years. Suzaku followed Lelouch slump in his chair. He had relaxed since he was younger, not so proper but still had a haughty air about him. His hair was ruffled from being in bed so much. His skin was a ghostly pale, a sign he was still a long way off from being better. His eyes seemed a bit sunken in and bags seemed permanent features to his face. Lelouch was always trying to be so strong, and fair too, he wasn't too selfish though spoiled at times and Suzaku would have to admit to indulging Lelouch now and then himself.

Lelouch fiddled idly with his bandages on his arm watching Suzaku study him. Suzaku with the laughing Green eyes that always revealed exactly how he felt. Impossibly untidy hair that gleamed in the light of the kitchen. Each muscle was finely toned and exercised. He had grown up well Lelouch thought. Lelouch felt an ache then, he didn't want to be away from Suzaku. Suzaku could chase away the demons, he was an angel. Lelouch blinked. An angel? He must be tired and his mind wandering.

"Are you ready for bed?" Suzaku asked. Lelouch nodded. He tried to stand up but the kitchen began to spin. Of course Suzaku was there and caught him. Lelouch felt warm and safe and his head started to bob.

"Zuzu…" Lelouch whispered.

"Hmm?" Suzaku balanced Lelouch against him and helped him walk.

"Can I ask a favor of you?" Lelouch yawned and looked up.

"Of course Lelouch. What is it?" Suzaku looked down at him yawning a bit too.

"Please…please…don't leave me…ever." Lelouch didn't know why he was asking this. He just felt so much better with Suzaku around and he was scared of the darkness he would have to face if he was left alone again. Suzaku stared at Lelouch. How could he ever leave him?! Lelouch was so important and if he left and something happened. Visions of Lelouch covered in his own blood flashed in his mind. He could never leave Lelouch again.

"Lulu…I will never ever leave you alone. I promise." Lelouch nodded. They were in the bedroom now and Lelouch laid down rolling over leaving half the bed for Suzaku who climbed right in. Even though they had been heavy with sleep only moments before they both lay awake now. Suzaku felt Lelouch fidget and face him.

"Does…How's…." Suzaku didn't know how to approach this question without being rude or stern.

"You don't need to be so careful with me Suzaku." Lelouch smiled a small sad smile. Maybe it was sleep coming back or the moonlight but Suzaku scooted closer to Lelouch.

"Oh yes I do. You're so fragile and I couldn't stand do know I hurt you so…" Suzaku blushed and stopped his sentence.

"So why did I hurt myself?" Lelouch finished for him. Suzaku looked up at him into his eyes. "I don't remember…" And it wasn't a lie, not completely. Right then with Suzaku near him he didn't remember the darkness and he couldn't imagine being so consumed with pain. He couldn't fathom because Suzaku was light and he was there. And it was before either of them knew it that they leaned closer. Their eyelids drooping. Suzaku closed his eyes as he felt Lelouch's lips land softly against his own. Suzaku grabbed Lelouch's hand and responded in the kiss. Lelouch smiled as Suzaku held him near. If this is a dream I don't want to wake…But both boys were asleep before they remembered breaking the kiss.


	5. Chapter 5

**Yeah I know I deserve death. However if you kill me now you won't know the rest of the story. Looks like I barely escaped the noose huh? (promises the next update will NOT be a YEAR later!)**

He hated the sun he decided; he really, really hated it. Still though he opened his eyes. In front of him were blazing green eyes. He smiled. Their hands were still intertwined.

"Morning." He croaked. His voice sounded parched. Suzaku sighed.

"If it's not one thing, Lelouch I swear! Would you like some tea?" Suzaku sat up. His clothes from yesterday were completely rumpled. His hair was all over the place. Lelouch attempted to follow smiling when the room didn't spin. He got up and stumbled though before righting himself. His legs aren't used to his weight anymore he thought. As much as the spinning wasn't missed by the time the two boys had reached the kitchen Lelouch had a headache that made him want to just go back to bed with every curtain in the house closed.

"You sure you feel well enough?" Suzaku sat. He said he wasn't going to school today and Lelouch had suggested getting out.

"I'm fine. Just give me something for this headache and I'm good to go." He rubbed his temple. Suzaku didn't buy it. Lelouch still hadn't gained back any coloring or weight. Bags still hung under his eyes and…his urges weren't gone. Suzaku didn't want to say anything but he knew Lelouch was having nightmares. Last night he had been awoken to Lelouch ripping off his bandages while still fully asleep. Tears streamed down his face and he was mumbling. _I'm so useless…I can't even keep her safe…make it go away…Suzaku...Nunnally….I'm alone…_Tears had been pouring down his face and his whole body was racked by the sobs. Suzaku had crushed him to his chest murmuring nothingness trying to calm him down again. Lelouch had been shaking and hiccupping. Even as he slipped back into a deeper sleep his hand pulled at the bandages.

"Well let me see if you have a fever." He answered standing. Lelouch slouched. He already knew he had a fever, he felt clammy and his palms were sweating, still he wanted to leave. Even with Suzaku near the darkness found its way back. He was being stifled, drowned in this house. He needed to leave, soon and for a long time. Suzaku stood over him and Lelouch leaned back against the chair waiting for the hand to check his forehead to confine him to this house as he suffocated. Suzaku looked down at his prince, for that's what he still was to Suzaku a prince and over the years he had become greedy calling him his. It was true though Suzaku thought he is mine. A memory of the night before flashed through his mind. He had never asked Lelouch about it, nor if he even remembered it. He looked down upon the man who leaned back in his chair. He saw the ghost of the hurt seven year old boy, the shadow of the Ashford student comfortable here with him and his sister. He leaned in; why not indulge Lelouch a little more? He thought. It's not like he could ever resist before.

Lelouch's eyes were closed. He waited for Suzaku to feel his fever when suddenly he felt a pair of lips on his own. He snapped his eyes open to meet Suzaku's. For a minute all he could do was stare then Suzaku pulled away. Lelouch held a blush on his cheeks.

"...Zaku." Lelouch looked up to his smiling friend.

"Well let's go." He smiled and Lelouch returned it.

Soon Lelouch and Suzaku were walking down the busy streets toward the park they had often frequented with the student council. It had rolling green hills and a huge sakura tree looking over a small boating pond. There were flower gardens with paths often used by loving couples or playing children. They were only a block away when Lelouch's breathing became a bit labored.

"Lelouch, maybe we should get a cab and head back." Suzaku grabbed Lelouch's hand. Lelouch looked at him. The fever hadn't yet reached his eyes but Suzaku knew that Lelouch was tired to the point of falling.

"We are only a block away and I promise I'll sit down at the tree alright." Suzaku sighed but Lelouch squeezed his hand. They finished the block hand in hand with Lelouch flushed from fever and Suzaku flitting between glancing nervously at the approaching storm clouds and the ill Lelouch. He couldn't ask him to leave as he was about to though when he saw his eyes light up upon sighting the park and the tree.

"C'mon you need to lie down." He said gently nudging Lelouch forward. They stumbled to the top of the hill Suzaku balancing the tuckered Lelouch. Slowly Suzaku eased them both down. Lelouch leaned next to Suzaku on the tree his head on Suzaku's shoulder.

"Thank you Zuzu." Lelouch whispered after a while.

"For what?" Suzaku peered down into the violet orbs. Though he never got his answer, the soft eyes of Lelouch were slipping shut quickly and he was asleep before he could utter a word. He sleeps a lot thought Suzaku. He didn't know whether to be happy or not. Sleep meant Lelouch could have that precious escape from reality but it also meant that the nightmares could return racking Lelouch's body and Suzaku would be helpless to stop them. Suzaku sighed and smoothed the crumpled hair of Lelouch. He smiled softly watching the other boy breathe. He couldn't let himself pull away and soon found himself leaning close. He remembered last night, the kiss. He had since realized something, somewhere along the line he had fallen in love with Lelouch. He would give his life to keep the prince breathing, smiling.

Suzaku didn't know when he too had fallen asleep. He only knew when his body was being shaken awake.

"…zaku," came a soft voice, "Suzaku….wake up already." Suzaku blinked waiting to get his bearings. He felt the cold and the damp before he saw that it was raining. In his arms was Lelouch, the fever still blatant on his face and shivering. Suzaku shook his head to clear it.

"Lelouch! How long…? When…? Christ! We need to get out of here!" Lelouch nodded his teeth chattering.

"The rain w…woke me u…up. You must have been t…tired though, you were in a d…deep sleep." Suzaku pulled off his coat and wrapped Lelouch in it before helping him stand.

Lelouch leaned heavily on Suzaku as he tried to shield him from the wind's onslaught. The moving was slow and he kept losing his footing. The street light blurred in the rain's onslaught. At once he was freezing but he could feel how his skin must be on fire.

"Zuzu…" He could feel Suzaku flinch. "I don't think…I can't…" He tripped and fell to his knees smacking hard on the ground splashing water up into his face.

"Lelouch!" Lelouch could feel his breath coming in heaves and he shakily stood with Suzaku's help. They continued to walk slowly getting closer to safety. Soon though they had to pause again.

"Lelouch your bandages…" They stopped. The bandages on Lelouch's arm had soaked through and fallen onto the sidewalk. Lelouch looked up at Suzaku with glazed eyes half closed. He was practically unconscious on his feet. Suzaku cursed pulling him onto his back. Once he was adjusted he fished for his cell.

"…I'm okay…" Coughs wracked Lelouch's body. Suzaku started to run.

"No you're not…and it's all my fault." Lelouch couldn't answer anymore. Suzaku's phone had gone through to Prez.

"Zaku!" She sang.

"Milly I need you!"

"Well I'm simply overwhelmed. I'm sorry Suzaku, I love you, but only as a friend."

"I'm stuck out in the rain with Lelouch unconscious on my back." Silence for a split second.

"I'll bring our doctor and my grandfather's car." The phone clicked. Suzaku slowed his pace opting instead to find a place out of the rain to wait for Milly. A bus stop came into view and he ducked into it.

"It's going to be okay Lelouch. I will make it okay." Lelouch lay slumped under the overhang shivering under Suzaku's jacket. Suzaku cursed and sat on the wet ground pulling Lelouch into his lap. He soon felt a warm liquid on his pant leg and saw that Lelouch's cuts had broken open on his arm. Lelouch stirred groaning.

"Nunna…" he blinked slowly.

"Lulu." Suzaku said breathlessly. Lelouch's head lolled.

"Where?"

"A bus stop. Milly and a doctor are coming. Lelouch I'm so sorry…" He cradled the boy.

"Suzaku its okay. I should have woken you sooner." His voice was a mere whisper.

"Lelouch, I'm scared. You could…your arm." He leans back into me.

"It's not leaving you alone. I think…I think I love you." Suzaku's breath caught in his throat as he watched Lelouch go limp against him. Milly he thought you better get here, now!


	6. Chapter 6

**Sooooo my plan was to write and update all summer long. Yeah well my laptop had other ideas and only now can I access Word. So here we are. I'll keep updating!**

**This story has taken on a life of its own! This wasn't going to be so AU at first but sorry looks like that's where we are headed. XD I'm excited please stick around okay!**

Milly had run through her home practically shoving the family doctor into the limo while swearing his secrecy about treating Lelouch. When they were finally driving she pulled out her phone and dialed Sayako.

"Hello?"

"Sayako-san! It's Milly Ashford! Lelouch and Suzaku got caught out in this storm. I'm on my way with a family doctor. Prepare the house for Lelouch."

"Hai Miss Ashford. Please Hurry."

"I am." She clicked off as the bus stop came into view, the corner of Suzaku's old worn coat peaking out in the rain. Her heart practically leaped up her throat and out her mouth at the sight. Suzaku was clutching Lelouch to his chest sobbing his heart out. Lelouch's arm lay bleeding on his lap his head had fallen back. A first glance he looked quite dead. Milly shook the thought away. No way, he's not dying on her.

"Suzaku get him in the limo now!" Suzaku stood up and hurriedly brought the ice cold Lelouch into the limo shaking with sobs. The doctor immediately got to work on Lelouch, rubbing his sides with a blanket as he instructed Milly to wrap the boy's arm. Suzaku sat with a towel over his shoulder shivering himself a little.

"I love you too," Lelouch murmured, it was barely above a whisper but he had said it. Suzaku stared on eyes wide, tears falling uncontrollably. The doc made quick work of Lelouch on the ride to the clubhouse. Milly spent the entire ride doing whatever the doctor asked of her, cursing at Suzaku to get a grip, or on the phone. By the time the little crisis car made it to its destination Milly had had people set up Lelouch's room as a mini hospital room. Miss Sayako rushed out in the rain along with Mr. Ashford who helped cradle the still unconscious Lulu into the warmth of the home. Milly sighed as she watched them go. Suzaku shakily stumbled out of the car, the soaked towel still draped over his shoulders. Milly put a shaky hand on his shoulder. His murmuring hasn't stopped.

"He loves you right? He said that right?" I get a small nod. "Then he'll pull through Suzaku." He looks up at me.

"I let him down. It's my fault."

"No don't you dare go there!" She gets stern pulling him out of the rain and into the porch light.

"And why the hell not!" He gets angry clenching his fists and letting hot tears flow down his cheeks.

"Because those words are probably what Lelouch tells himself over and over. 'It's my fault she fell, I let her down and now look what has happened.' You can't go down that road because he needs you! Suzaku Kururugi if he loses you, his anchor…we lose him." He stares at me shell shocked.

"I'm sorry Prez." He whispers.

"You mean it don't you." She looks desperate and more than a bit hysterical.

"Mean what?"

"What you keep murmuring about for God's sakes! You love him don't you?" He takes a minute and then she can see the confidence come back into his stance and eyes.

"Yes, I do."

The lights were dim in the young teen's room. Suzaku sat in a fluffy white robe holding onto Lelouch's limp hand. Milly leant against the doorway watching for a moment before moving over to the pair. She straightened Lelouch's hair.

"Oh Lulu." She sighed and put her hand on Suzaku's shoulder.

"Prez, I'm not sure what I can do."

"Neither am I. But still, gotta have faith." She left leaving the warmth of her small smile. The night was long Sayako brought food in for Suzaku and a damp cloth for Lelouch's fever. His arms had stopped bleeding over an hour ago. The lights were out now and Suzaku sat on the edge of his prince's bed staring at the window.

"How can I help you Lelouch? Just tell me how?" Lelouch stirred but didn't wake. Suzaku stared fondly. The whole world seems against them again. Lelouch's sister is in the hospital, he is physically and mentally unstable and Suzaku cannot keep him safe. It's no better than when they took Lelouch from the shrine, took him from Suzaku. At the Shinjuku Ghetto he thought he'd lost his chance again, thought he was dead. But he wasn't and still he cannot bring about the world they used to dream about for themselves, for Nunna, in that old Sunflower field.

"Do you really wish to help him little soldier?" The voice caused Suzaku to jump. Standing where Milly had been only hours ago was a tall Green haired woman. She wore Britannian prison garb and her arms were folded lazily over a cheese-kun.

"How did you get in here? Do you know Lelouch?" Suzaku took up a defensive position in front of the bed and his ward who murmured in his fevered slumber. The woman lazily walked over and reached out to Lelouch. Suzaku quickly went to stop her but was flattened on his ass in less than a second.

"I was in the military too, soldier. You cannot get the better of me so easily." Lelouch calmed when she touched his forehead.

"Who are you?"

"My name is C.C. To answer your earlier question I am an accomplice of Lelouch's. It would be very bothersome for him to die and for his safety I decided to clue you in if only slightly."

"Wha…what?"

"Let's start with something simple, I am an immortal. Lelouch made a pact with me to create the better world the three of you envisioned. In exchange he will grant my wish." Suzaku stared at her incredulously.

"You are crazy."

"And you are extremely thick headed I don't know what he sees in you." Suzaku blushes.

"He talks…to you…about…me?" The witch rolls her eyes.

"You both are incredibly dense and really so entertaining." Despite the words the woman said her voice sounded bored and her eyes were flat.

"What do you want from me?" Suzaku asks quietly. The woman twirls around before leaning in close causing Suzaku to stiffen. Her hair rolls off her shoulder creating a curtain blocking Lelouch from Suzaku's view.

"I cannot let the little prince go just yet. But when I do, he and you have my blessing to run away and forget the world. That is your deepest desire is it not?" Suzaku doesn't reply and the witch cracks a grin.

"Little soldier we have met before do you not remember. I have been with you and Lelouch since the beginning. Marianne's body really was quite the sight its no wonder Nunnally is so damaged. Your shrine was the right choice to send them, you healed their hearts little soldier. And I really suppose I must thank you for if you had let Lelouch die in the ghetto that day well I'd be rotting in a cell again. Hmm you are one lousy soldier." The woman stared at him and Suzaku gulped scared to move or speak. Little did he know that if the raven currently out cold could bare witness he'd be shocked the green haired beauty had deigned to speak so much and might be a bit jealous at the privilege to try to get answers that Suzaku had gotten. Suddenly she stood and strode toward the door. She turned back once her eyes lingering on Lelouch.

"See you round little knight." With that and an eerily well placed crack of thunder and flash of lightening she was gone. Suzaku stood stock still, the only sound in the room being his own haggard breathing, the storm outside, and Lelouch's quiet fevered murmurs. The girl's words echoed in his head. She obviously knew Lelouch but she also knew his mother's name, about the incident, and their living at the Kururugi Shrine. How come he didn't know of her? He sat back down slowly at Lelouch's bedside. He grabbed Lelouch's hand again and kept his thoughts turning over in his head. She had called him little knight. He wasn't anyone's knight. His eyes widened for a moment.

It had been during their last year together at the shrine. Lelouch and Suzaku had been playing knights, Suzaku had had to beg Lelouch.

'Why don't you like this game Lulu?' He had asked as they were walking back. Suzaku had Nunnally asleep on his back.

'I'm a prince Suzaku. I don't play knights, I have knights.' Suzaku had been amazed.

'You do! Really!' The young Brittanian had blushed.

'Well no, I am not old enough yet. If I had stayed though eventually I would've gotten one.'

'Could I have been your knight Lelouch?' Suzaku had asked gleefully.

'I don't know. Would you wanna be?' He had nodded his head vigorously.

'Okay then you can be my knight then Suzaku.' Suzaku had been ecstatic. 'Kneel down Suzaku.' He had down what he was told kneeling. Nunnally was placed on the ground next to them.

'Yay! Um Onee-san don't you need a sword.' Sweet Nunnally looked up in the direction of her brother whose small face turned down in a scowl.

'I'll just use a stick.' He shrugs.

'Is that okay?' Suzaku asks concerned. Lelouch sighs.

'It's the principle of the thing Suzaku. I declare you my knight either way.' As he said this rather undignified speech he had picked out a long twig and tapped both of Suzaku's shoulders. 'Do you accept' Suzaku nodded and blushed as he said his next words.

'I do.' Nunnally cheered throwing up her hands in joy. Lelouch's cheeks reddened.

'Calm down you two. We didn't get married.' A soft murmur brought Suzaku back into Lelouch's room.

"Zaku?" Still foggy violet eyes peered through impossibly long lashes. His voice croaked. "What happened?"

"Lulu. I'm so sorry. We got caught in the storm. I'm afraid you're very sick." Lelouch blinks then his eyes wander down to his arm. The skin was red and irritated. It had to hurt like a bitch.

"Zuzu…Not y-your fault. It' s-s my f-fault." Suzaku jumped up as Lelouch fell back into unconsciousness.

"Lelouch! No! Don't you dare! It's not your fault! None of it! Please forgive yourself, forgive the doctors at the hospital, forgive Nunnally, all of it forgive and forget! Please for me?" A big breath rattled the boy on the bed.

"Okay…" Fresh tears fell freely down Suzaku's face. Okay, he thought, okay.


	7. Chapter 7

**yes in fact you do have every right to kill me. for getting on my butt for many a month this is dedicated to MooonlitXAngel, thx luv!**

**thaks to all who have kept with this reviewed, favorited, or alerted! 3 yall oh and happy holidays! fluff for ur gift is in the following:**

Lelouch fell back into an uneasy slumber for the rest of the night and a majority of the next day. Throughout the while Sayako came in regularly to check his temperature and make sure Suzaku actually ate and went to the bathroom, bathed. He felt five years old but that didn't stop him. If Lelouch was awake he spoke with him petted his hair and tried to get him to fall back asleep. He knew it was one of the only things that helped at the moment for his body to recover. When he was reassured that Lelouch was in a deep enough sleep he got on his laptop. He tried to find any trace of that C.C. woman that he could. He was failing; this information gathering thing was really more of Lelouch's area. This was Suzaku's routine for the next couple of days. He'd pretty much forgotten about school and was starting to wonder why the military hadn't tried to drag him back to the barracks.

Suzaku groaned closing his laptop with a snap. Leaning on his knees he rubbed the bridge of his nose aggravated. Lelouch was still bedridden, it seemed like he had been for ages. Did some sadistic god find his pain fun or something? The C.C. woman hadn't shown her face in the last week and he felt like he just might be wasting his time. He was starting to worry over Nunna too as the doctor had not called in ages. He'd phone the hospital in the morning after Lelouch fell back into a deep enough slumber.

"Suzaku." Hs head shot up. "What time's it?" asked a still groggy Lelouch.

"It's around ten p.m. Did I wake you? I'm sorry." Suzaku put the laptop on the floor and walked towards the bedridden prince.

"No it's fine Suzaku. Aren't you tired?" Suzaku stretched.

"Not as tired as you are I'd wager." A crooked grin appeared on Lelouch's face.

"I'm sorry Zaku."

"Lulu we've been over this, it's alright. It's going to be okay."

"But it's all my fault."

"No, its not." Suzaku pulled back the covers crawling into his appointed spot in the bed. Lelouch grabbed his hand squeezing lightly. "Are you sure you're alright?" Suzaku asked in a whisper squeezing the prince's delicate hand back. Lelouch avoided the question.

"You haven't been to school."

"Mmm." Suzaku looked over at his Lelouch.

"The military hasn't contacted you?" He shook his head.

"Lelouch…"

"I'm alright Suzaku," A yawn interrupts him and Suzaku silently rubs his thumb over his knuckles, "if you're here I'll be alright." The raven's eyes were starting to droop. Suzaku smiled at the light blush on his cheeks.

"I love you too Lulu." The prince's faint chuckles caused the soldier to grin before deciding to sleep as well. He could always call the hospital in the morning, and maybe Lelouch would be up longer.

A flash of green hair appeared in the doorway of a prince of Britannia to see him curled into the body of his little soldier. A smirk graced her lips for a mere instant. Silly boys she thought, you've fallen in love. She tip toed into the room carefully with a practiced silence. The laptop closed on the floor by a chair blinked faintly. She leant down placing a thumb drive on its closed lid before ghosting out of the room.

The rumble of a motorcycle ripped the night air as she sped from the quiet neighborhood, duffle bag on her hip. Deeper into the ghettos she drove before pulling off into an alleyway behind an abandoned warehouse. She tied up her hair and out of the duffel pulled out a rich purple costume. Eyes devoid of emotion she dawned the mask and Zero entered his home base.

"Zero!" Kallen called running over to the masked leader. He inclined his head. "Lloyd Asplund has declared a vacation for all of the military under his jurisdiction! We did it, stealing that part from the Lancelot has put that crazy loon into a depression." Zero nodded pleased. That lets the little soldier have a few more precious days with his prince he thought.

"Kallen the reports just came in about Schneizel on the radio!" A masked boy yelled from a far corner of the room. C.C. didn't recognize the voice but walked silently over to the now nervous shaky man. Engaging the voice changer she spoke.

"What about Schneizel?" The man stammered, blushing slightly. Kallen interrupted him.

"He's coming to Japan."

"Whatever for?"

"The news stations say he's here for political niceties. He'll be visiting children's hospitals bring loads of gifts like he Santa's perfect little elf." Diethard saunters over.

"His real motivation?"

"Unknown it seems like he's genuinely here to visit hospitals. I haven't dug anything else up."

"But this is Schneizel!" exclaims Tamaki. Kallen rolls her eyes.

"Despite how conniving the prince is Tamaki he does have an image to keep up. It would look bad if all he did was attack us." Diethard nods.

"All the while keep an eye on him." They all nod and Zero walks off.

The morning sun rose sending soft tendrils of light into Lelouch's room. The prince groaned softly rolling over away from the light. His pillow was very soft and warm. He curled in closer snuggling as deep into it as he could. Then he noticed it was breathing. His brow furrowed in confusion before he realized it was Suzaku. He let himself melt into sleep again. The Japanese boy wrapped his arm tighter around the Brit sighing contentedly. Else where in the house as a dutiful maid did laundry a small light blinked on the message machine.

The blonde man stood adjusting his collar and grabbing his suitcase from the overhead bin. The flight attendants all fluttered around him in a nervous flurry. He cocked a flirtatious grin at them and gleefully watched as they scattered. At his leisure he walked out off the plane. Waiting for him was his personal attendant while he was in Area 11. He nods to her and follows as she leads the young prince and his entourage to baggage claim. Schneizel curls his lip in disgust as one of his knights lets out a low whistle watching the young woman in front of them walk away in three inch heels and a pencil skirt. They all walked out and awaited a limo that arrived to pick up the prince. The same knight rushed forward to open the door for his prince. Schneizel gestured for the woman to slide in first which she declined with a bow. Schneizel nodded and slipped inside. The girl and knight following.

"How was your trip Schneizel?"

"Fine Uncle, just fine." The fellow blonde smiled.

Two hours later Lelouch's eyes fluttered open again. He was held close to Suzaku's chest by his muscular arms. The brunette smiled down at him.

"Morning' sleeping beauty." Lelouch rolled his eyes and glared. "Mmm are you feeling better today? I haven't been glared at in a while now." Lelouch sighed.

"Have I been awake at all recently?" The raven's voice was hoarse a reminder that he was still sick.

"Not a lot no." Suzaku answered sadly.

"I'm cold." The boy mused leaning into the brunette. Suzaku noted the fever hadn't gone away and although Lelouch was conscious it must still be very high. Suzaku set up disentangling his arms from the raven's body. The boy stiffened at being moved but didn't complain.

"I'll go get another blanket alright." Suzaku almost fell back on his butt as weak arms grasped the back of his shirt as tight as they could. Suzaku's eyes widened.

"Don't leave…I…Dark…I don't want to be alone anymore." He could hear the sobs unchecked in the raven's throat as he tried not to cry. Suzaku simply laid back down pulling the Britannian boy close to him. He softly cooed to the distressed teen.

"Lelouch I'm not going to leave you ever again okay? Ever again." Lelouch nodded calming down. Suzaku made no move to get up again and watched the Britannian breathe.

"I don't want to sleep again."

"It will make you feel better." He shook his head. Suzaku sighed.

"I remember saying it you know." Lelouch said after a few silent minutes. Suzaku raised an eyebrow. "I do love you." Lelouch looked up into enchanting emerald. Those eyes started to close and lean down toward him. He stretched up to meet them. Lelouch's slim lips were soft, Suzaku pulled the boy closer by the waist. Lelouch felt the chapped lips push against his and he smiled into the kiss. They broke apart. Suzaku smile started to drop when he saw trepidation in his eyes.

"Lelouch I'll always be here okay? And I will always, always love you. I am your knight after all." Lelouch sighed.

"I can't believe you remember that. I suppose it still stands."

"Only if you'll have me."

"Only you."


End file.
